When I started writing this blog I committed myself to writing weekly. As you may have noticed, I’ve fallen short of my target these last couple of weeks. There’s been a lot going on at ISC World HQ/my desk: exciting new connections and new clients, coupled with running the house and looking after our son while my husband’s away. I’ve had to remind myself of the importance of simplifying. 

Less is more. Really? REALLY?? 

Surely more is more, less is less; the more the better, the less, the… Okay, so perhaps my poetic limits have been reached, but you get the picture. For someone who is hardworking and holds high standards for themselves and others, it took me years to really take the lessons inherent in the ‘less is more’ mantra to heart. How could less be more? How could less be anything more than less? Here’s what I’ve learnt:

# 1: Less IS more.

By defining and putting boundaries around what is and isn’t possible in a day, ‘less’ DOES become ‘more’ because you’re able to be more present, more creative, more purposeful, and more effective, giving you greater satisfaction and your clients/colleagues greater results; you literally become larger and more vital, and therefore more impactful, by spreading yourself LESS thinly.

# 2: Simplify, simplify, simplify.

Look around and get rid of what’s not crucial or vital. What could actually be done tomorrow, or not at all (??!!), without the world crashing down around your ears?

So often we think it all HAS to be done TODAY. But why? Who says? Often it’s just us and our standards and expectations, saying; or our beliefs about what other people think our standards and capacities should be. I can find myself getting all in a spin:  my brain's shouting: ‘There’s so much to do!’ ‘Where do I begin?’ ‘I can’t do it all!’ - and when I talk it over with my husband and gain some perspective, I realize that actually very little of it HAS to be done. In fact, there are somethings on my list which, if I’m honest, are NEVER going to get done.  

Time to strike these tolerations off the list, let go of perfectionist ideals, and get on with other stuff.

# 3: 'Under' promise and 'over' deliver

Surely us conscientious, high standards-holders should promise BIG, AND do our damndest to deliver. Doing anything less wouldn’t be properly living would it? It would be underselling ourselves, and doing a disservice to our friends and colleagues. Right?

Wrong.

The irony is, that actually one of the things human beings MOST respect about other people is their ability to stick to their word, know their boundaries, and always deliver on what they say. 

It’s not a failing to have boundaries, or to say no. It’s a failing (in my book) to live life constantly stressed out by unattainable expectations and pressure; to not be able to be fully present for our children or friends or colleagues because we’re so caught up in our own thoughts about the things we 'need to get done’.

Set yourself up for success (and zero headaches) by ‘under’ promising and ‘over’ delivering. Allow yourself to bask in the feeling that you deliver on what you say you will, AND have time for things and people you love.

Non-negotiables are the things you are simply not willing to compromise on, the things that put the ‘quality’ into life and help us to operate at our best. For me: the space to breath, notice the sky, exercise and enjoy time with family and friends.

For many of us, our non-negotiables are the things that get pushed out and trodden on in our rush to meet other people’s agendas, attain recognition and confirmation of our worth, and be a ‘success’. I used to spend so long perfecting a piece of work I’d miss out on all the fun stuff. I’d over-promise myself to people to such an extent that didn’t have time to notice the sky, let alone breath properly.

For years I struggled with not feeling ‘good enough’. I was busy fulfilling other people’s agendas, but, in my own eyes, never quite measuring up: however hard I worked, I always thought I should do more, achieve more, be more. As a result, I would try to be all things to all people and over-promise on things in an attempt to catch that elusive sense of ‘being enough’. 

This road led me to run on adrenaline a lot of the time, to rush from one thing to the next; however hard I worked, or however much I gave out, somehow I would feel I was falling short of what was expected of me, or more to the point, what I expected of myself. After being signed off sick, with adrenal exhaustion, I decided that rather than chasing other peoples’ idea of success and what ‘enough’ was, I would hone in on my non-negotiables and create my own definition of success from there. 

Retaking ownership of ‘success’

When I committed to upholding my non-negotiables above everything else, it immediately became easier to say ‘no’ to people, to maintain stronger boundaries and to avoid my tendencies towards perfectionism and playing superwoman.

Success for me began to be measured by how I felt internally, not by ‘external’ outputs. A ‘successful’ day became one where I held tight to my personal boundaries and standards, and upheld my non-negotiables above all else. This was incredibly empowering, because now I had chosen my priorities, I was 100% committed and in charge of upholding them. Getting clear on my non-negotiables helped me retake ownership of success.

If you find yourself suffering from blurry work-life boundaries, never getting to the end of your to do list, never feeling quite good enough, take a moment to get clear on your non-negotiables and define your own sense of ‘success’ and ‘good enough’:

Get clear on your non-negotiables

1. Identify YOUR non-negotiables

What puts the ‘quality’ into your life? What things do you need to be present in your life in order for you to be at your best? In what quantity? How often?

2. Commit to your vision

What would a life with those non-negotiables in be like? Make an internal commitment to honouring that vision.

3. Protect what’s important and enlist other people’s support

Set protective boundaries around your non-neogtiables. If necessary, let the people who need to know, know that these are your non-negotiables – the things you need to be at your best - and that you’re asking their support in helping you to honour them.

4. Be strong when it comes to saying 'yes' and 'no'

When you say 'yes' to one thing, you’re saying 'no' to another, and vice versa. When you come across an urge to say yes to something somone’s requesting of you, ask yourself how this will impact on your non-negotiables? Remind yourself what your priorities are, and assess what you’ll be giving up/gaining.

5. Be proud of what you’re trying to do

Remember, it's not the people who work late or run from one thing to the next, just managing to hold on to life by a thread, who garner the most respect, it's the people with the strongest boundaries and clearest sense of their personal and professional priorities. The first group may think they’re doing it and having it all, but on who’s terms….?

I've shared my non-negotiables, tell me yours in the comments below...