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We are ALL wiser than we know

6/4/2016

2 Comments

 
Life doesn't have to be as hard as we make it.

We ALL have access to more wisdom than we know.
The thing is that the incessant, (often quite shouty, in my head...!), ego-voices more often than not drown our small, quiet, wisdom-voice out.

I had the most amazing experience of the power and potential of this small voice on my way back from a retreat in Essex with my friend and colleague, Ann Ross.

We'd arrived into Paddington Station earlier than we'd thought we might and we were in time to catch an earlier train back to Devon. The choice we are faced with was to rush a bit to get the earlier train, or to take our time, have some lunch at the station and wait for the train we'd planned to get on.

In that moment my ego-voices got going, trying to second guess what Ann might like to do; trying to do the 'right' thing by her, and me. And I got lost, I couldn't decide: I didn't know what to do. 

I told Ann as much: the usual: 'I don't mind... What do you want to do?'

Ann (in her wisdom) turned the question back at me and gave me the opportunity to see my own wisdom in action:

What does your wisdom tell you to do?', she said.

Now that can be a super-annoying woo-woo question which well-meaning coaches throw at their clients in a slightly cliched, slightly makes-you-want-to-punch-them-square-in-the-face, kind of way. But there something about the way Ann asked the it, and the space that we'd been in for the last few days and hours, which made me listen to that question properly.

I stopped for a moment, got quiet inside, and let the small voice speak....And to my surprise, it did! Super clearly and succinctly...: 'Get the next train.'

I was gobsmacked. I remember thinking: 'I know what I want to do, clear as a bell!'. And most significantly for me, I remember witnessing that what I wanted to do felt so true, so powerfully true, that I had the courage to speak it (without all the usual ego-chatter/ second guessing what's going on for other people: what will people/ Ann think of my decision/ desire).

And that's what we did. We spent a very pleasant hour pottering in the station, taking our time, buying some coffees and eating our lunch, and then off we went to our appointed train.

I've played with my little voice ever since. It's AMAZING what I know!

If I notice my mind getting busy and chattery, I stop what I'm doing. I get quiet and listen. Sometimes I ask a question, sometimes I don't. (The more I practice acknowledging the presence of this voice, and allowing it to speak, the more just being aware of my busy-ness and ego-chatteriness does the work for me.)

For example, this morning I was caught in a thought-storm of egoistic thinking - it felt like the walls were closing in and there was no way out - every way I turned I saw more problems. The ego-voices got louder and louder until I was so confused and noisy in my head I couldn't think straight. I surrendered to the fact that I really didn't know what would be the best thing to do to support myself, and immediately the small voice spoke and told me to forget all the 'to dos', to go home, have a cup of tea, and take it from there. 

The answer which comes when I surrender to this small voice, is always something which looks after my best interests in that moment: take a break, eat something, go to the toilet!, sit back down and get on with the article in front of you, call a friend, go for a walk, GO HOME and take it from there.

There's an infinite number of responses available when we stop and listen, and I love seeing which one's going to show up. Whatever the response is: it's always got my back.

Ego-voices have become so LOUD in our society that we've forgotten about the small voice. Or, we're so noisy up there in our heads, we can't hear it. Next time you notice you're up in your head and you don't know what to do, or you're not enjoying life/ the thinking you're having, try having a listen.

That voice is always there, and we always know what to do for the best, even when we think we don't.
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Thriving by living *within* our limits - (...or perhaps it's about living closer to what actually *is*.)

4/4/2016

1 Comment

 
A while back I read a blog post and a line stuck with me:

​'How many miles are you from empty?' (or something to that effect).


The effect it had on me was huge. 'How useful is that?', I thought: to ask yourself each and every day (or when it occurs to you): 'How many miles am I from empty right now?', and to adjust your expectations for yourself and for the day accordingly.

I was reminded of it yesterday lying in the bath and listening to my little boy having a meltdown outside the door and my husband dealing with him. I reflected on how exhausted I was feeling, how tired I knew my little boy was after an 'up and down' night, and how tired I knew my husband was from dealing with it (and us) all.

It occurred to me to wonder 'how many miles from empty are we all right now'...?

Answer: About 0.5....! And then to wonder how best we might arrange our day to accommodate for that deficit.

As it turns out we even had to downsize (what we had thought was) a gentle, manageable plan of a visit to the cafe in the forest and a play on the play park there. Things began to spiral downhill as soon as we arrived (over tired three year old/ very busy cafe/ no hope of food or drink anytime soon). My husband and I looked at each other questioningly and mouthed 'abort?', and made a quick ( or not so quick with two screaming toddlers in tow) exit.

What I find handy about this is that so often we have our plans, our expectations, our ideas about what we should get done today; how the day should be. We are setting ourselves up for a major fall if the reality of the situation is that we don't actually have enough miles in the tank to cover all that ground.

When I don't acknowledge my tank is getting low, I struggle: I push to get things done when I'm not in the right frame of mind; I push to have conversations when I or the other person are not in the right frame of mind; I expect things of myself and of other people which just aren't possible right now, or if they or I can muster just enough physical energy to get the things done, they'll be done without love; out of a grudgingness, or an effortingness, that doesn't feel good, doesn't get the best results, and which leaves me and or them, even closer to the really serious business of the big red warning light.

Some of us operate close to empty for years, steering just clear of acknowledging that emptiness by reaching for caffeine, alcohol, adrenaline to keeps us artificially fuelled. I know I did, and the result: an eventual burn out.


I know I'll never get close to that now, but even on a day to day basis, the, 'How close am I to empty?', or 'How close are they to empty?', question makes for a much nicer experience: it's handy for keeping myself grounded, for staying realistic about what's possible, keeping my expectations in check; for keeping this (sometimes a bit clapped out, and in need of a service) car on the road.
1 Comment

    Kate Barsby

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    Coach and mentor to professionals, business owners, and passionate people leading busy international lives.

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