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Dealing with stressful situations

8/9/2015

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I used to work in what I found a busy, high-urgency environment. My boss was high achieving and ambitious and though what we were doing was certainly NOT a matter of life or death, the atmosphere was often tense and not surprisingly a lot of drama ensued.

Several members of staff left.

I stayed on.

I could see my boss was a good person struggling with a lot. I also thought I could make the situation better, for them, for me.

I tried and I tried and I tried and I tried… til I CRIED!

And then, I tried some more.

I tried and I tried (and had a chokey throat a lot of that time), until I literally made myself ill.

I didn't make the connection directly at that moment, but as my illness developed into a long term fatigue which I just couldn't shake, my wisdom (despite my despair), pointed me to look at the mind/ body/ adrenal connection to all that I'd been thinking and feeling over that time.

To cut a potentially long story short: we cannot (HOWEVER hard we try!) control what is happening around us: but we are in (some sort) of control of how we think about our thoughts about what is happening around us (worth reading that sentence twice, as it can be a bit of headblast – if you want to know more, Michael Neill’s TEDX talk is a good place to start).

In short: I made myself ill from beating myself up about not coping better in the situation I found myself in.

Looking back I think three things:

1. Maybe knowing what I know now, I might have found more love for myself and my boss to have seen with compassion the mess we were in - the losing battle we were fighting going about life that way - and maybe that might have made things tenable.

2. Maybe knowing what I know now, I might have called it quits earlier, before getting ill and removed myself from a situation that wasn’t good for me.

But maybe, (thing number 3), the struggle, the illness, the learning, was all ‘part of the plan’; part of life playing itself out the way it was meant to.

I would not be the person I am today (well not entirely…!) without that important, tough, part of my journey.

Postscript: I realised the other day that there is no longer any emotion attached to that experience – the struggle, the illness – just a fondness for the person and people we were back then, and gratitude for the opportunity it presented for growth.

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    Kate Barsby

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    Coach and mentor to professionals, business owners, and passionate people leading busy international lives.

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