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Feel good about yourself (even when times are tough)

11/9/2013

9 Comments

 
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I was taught a trick a few years ago by a coach of mine that was the weirdest experience at first. 

I stuck with it, and five years on, I couldn’t do without my daily dose of esteem-boosting magic.

At the time I was in career transition, undergoing the long haul of looking for a job. It was February, days were spent writing covering letters and adjusting my CV, and there wasn’t a lot to mark one day out from the next. Morale was low and I wasn't feeling great.

I'm sure you've you've been there at one point or another. Job hunting seems to have the ultimate potential for unsettling esteem and lowering confidence however rock solid it is at the start...!

What my coach asked me to do was literally painful to me at first. It was The Last Thing I felt like doing, and she and I had to almost force it out of me the first time around.

Cheerleaders and champions

As human beings we thrive on being told we’re doing a good job. That we’re on the right track, that we’re making progress. Parents are often good at doing this for their kids, teachers can be too, as can the right kind of boss. This feedback provides us with vital markers as to how we’re doing in life, and if we have enough of it, at the right times, we feel good and our confidence blossoms.

Because so much of our adult life is spent working alone on personal long-term projects, like 'job hunting', 'building a business', 'living', 'parenting', and 'generally trying to be a good human being' - all with their ups and downs, highs and lows, and with very little feedback whatsoever about how we're doing - there's a real need for us to become our own cheerleaders and champions.

The pain and the gain 

My coach's request was that when we spoke the following week I should bring a list of 20 things I acknowledged myself for achieving. They could be as small as making the bed in the morning or watering a dying plant; or as significant as sending off a job application or successfully networking with a potential employer.

I duly did the list and she duly asked me to read it out to her the following week.

I literally couldn’t speak to begin with; I was all embarrassed giggles and stops and starts. It felt SO weird to be congratulating myself out loud for all I’d achieved. (I’m smiling at the cringing that was involved, as I write.)

But boy, did I feel better afterwards. I felt really good. I couldn’t believe the shift in my perspective of myself. My confidence was boosted and I felt energized and motivated to do it again. 

I’ve since established a daily practice of acknowledging myself for what I’ve achieved HOWEVER small – taking the focus off the big goals (eg. finding a job or being successful in my business), and focusing on the smaller things.

A word of warning

I’ve noticed it’s really easy to ditch the habit of acknowledging myself when things are going great. ‘Oh, I don’t need to acknowledge myself tonight, I’m tired and anyway things are going fine.’ 

It's at those times, I need to consider that things may have been ‘going fine; because of all the acknowledging I’ve been doing, and that it’s super easy to slip into the doldrums. You never know what’s around the next corner, or how long you’re going to need to stay buoyant and upbeat in the face of a long-term project or challenging time. So it's important to see acknowledging yourself on a regular basis as insurance against the tougher times – I say this as much a reminder to myself as to you!

A challenge

Before you go to sleep tonight, ask yourself: 'What are the three things I’d like to acknowledge myself for achieving today?' Force them out, however small; it’s not always easy at first. Try involving a friend or a partner in the process and tell your acknowledgements to each other. Commit to this practice for a week without questioning it, and see how you feel at the end. If you feel better about yourself: try committing to a month!

*To give yourself a headstart, I challenge you to write 3 acknowledgements, right now, in the comments below. 

I'll keep my end of the bargain put mine there too.


As always I look forward to hearing your thoughts and feedback (!)

9 Comments
Kate Barsby
10/9/2013 11:12:59 pm

Keeping my promise:

The 3 things I want to acknowledge myself for are:
1. posting this blog!
2. getting up to get a glass of water when I wanted to carry on working (weird I know, but I can get so engrossed I forget to drink)
3. going to the gym on Monday when it was blowing a hoolie outside

Your turn!

Reply
Ulrica Robsarve
11/9/2013 04:43:39 am

3 things I did today.
1 got the kids to school in time.
2 made people happy with cake a meeting.
3. Tried to make an apointment with a psycologist to talk about my dead husband (now 5 moths ago).

Reply
Kate Barsby
11/9/2013 05:50:27 pm

Ulrica: You, are a superstar, and very special person. We think about you and the girls and Eric such a lot. Good for you for making a move to see the psychologist, and for having enough courage and love in your heart to want to make other people happy and continue being the amazing mum that you are. We love you. Kate xxxx

Reply
Juliet Johnson
11/9/2013 05:52:08 am

Kate - I love this idea. I've tried doing something similar before - acknowledging the good things that have happened today - but this puts it more about how we've made these things happened. Will try it for a week.
So here goes:
1. I fed my baby only fresh food today - no jars or pouches
2. I changed my address at the bank
3. I arranged a new tenant for our flat

Reply
Kate Barsby
11/9/2013 06:01:59 pm

Hi Jules

Good for you for taking up the challenge!! I love your acknowledgements - in the throws of a house move, it's extra important to focus on the SMALL achievements and not think too much about the task in it's entirety - sounds like you're going about things exactly right!

I like the distinction you make between the good things that happen and the things that you've made happen. I call the good things that happen (but that I'm not responsible for making happen) my 'grateful fors', and when I do my acknowledgements, I do 3 grateful fors and 3 things I'm looking forwards to about the next day - my GALs: 'Grateful fors', 'Acknowledgements', and 'Looking forwards tos'.

If it helps to write your acknowledgements here each day - I'm very happy to hold you accountable with a daily check in - whatever works for you - I'd love to know how you get on.

Keep up the good work!

Kate x

Reply
Juliet
12/9/2013 06:15:28 am

Hi Kate
Liking the GALS!
Think it might get a bit tedious for you and your followers to see my acknowledgements for the next week, but one of today's was telling a friend about your idea. It particularly resonates with the two of us as we are both on maternity leave, so the bulk of our achievements are domestic and therefore not hugely interesting, though important! And because we're not at work, we generally look for acknowledgement from our husbands, who may not totally appreciate the work that goes into running a home and bringing up a baby. So in short, looking to ourselves is the best bet!
I also cut my baby's nails and turned up almost on time for our lunch date. Both of which I am immensely proud of!
Jx

Reply
Kate Barsby
12/9/2013 04:27:36 pm

Hi Jules
Love that you and your friend can spur each other on. Good work on turning up almost on time and for braving the nail cutting - two major challenges as I seem to remember!!

The being at work, not being at work thing is interesting. I'm pondering just calling it all LIFE or all WORK as somehow I'm not helping myself when I call my days off work, 'days off', as I'm perpetuating the 'my husband is at 'work' therefore doing something more important/relevant than I am' idea.

Here's to acknowledging the small stuff!

K x

Reply
Polly Barsby
12/9/2013 04:28:43 pm

well, I wanted to write my aknowledgements here this morning but I realised I was being a little over eager as I'd had a slow 'coldy' morning and actually had done very little other than make myself a juice with my new juicer!
Now, however, it's a more reasonable time in the day to aknowledge oneself. So:
1. booked into a yoga class for Autumn
2. Finished hot water bottle cover for a friend
3. Ordered a new ebroidery foot for my machine which I've needed FOREVER! - and in so doing managed to solve the cryptic world of ebay when it doesn't go quite according to plan.... I didn't give up!

Thanks Kats

Reply
Kate Barsby
12/9/2013 04:31:10 pm

Hi P

Brilliant acknowledgements, and yes, making a juice with your new juicer when you're feeling 'coldy' is definitely an acknowledgement!

Sounds like you zapped a toleration as well as created an acknowledgement with the sewing machine foot - definitely an extra gold star for that one!!! AND you held on whilst dealing with the challenges of ebay - I'm impressed.

xx

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    Coach and mentor to professionals, business owners, and passionate people leading busy international lives.

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